Home again


Recreational resources which are not dependent on broad band connectivity.

It’s Wednesday now so I have been home since Saturday evening and tomorrow it will be a week since I had the op.  Best news is that bowels are working again, which makes me very happy.  Have all the meds arranged in a routine, though I’ve come off the anti-coagulants for a bit since there was a bit of leakage around the wound site.  This is all a bit earthy isn’t it?  Apologies but I think writing this is mostly for me to help process what’s going on.  Humour me?

I’ve not been up and dressed much. I do get up every day to eat, and watch telly in the evenings for a bit- I sorted out the edge pieces of one of the jigsaw puzzles yesterday (big achievement).  But at the moment sitting for any length of time isn’t comfortable.  I really prefer being in bed, with the radio, Some Luck by Jane Smiley to read, the laptop for music, radio playback and writing, Pete bringing me food, drinks, the Guardian and cards and flowers as they arrive in the post. The bedroom is full of flowers and the whole top floor of the house is fragrant.  I am very tired and happily napping when I please.  Managing the exercises, including lying down ones recommended by my cousin’s wife Rita, who had her hip done 2 days before me.  It’s great chatting to people about their experience, the more recent the better- we all forget stuff like this, especially the nasty things.  Rita actually went out with ‘the girls’ last night- only for a little while but I’m well impressed.

I talked to my Mum on the phone yesterday.  I see her about every other day at the moment and am missing her, feeling that ancient thing about wanting your Mum when you are in trouble or distress. She finds communication so difficult these days that I wasn’t sure about asking the nursing home staff to put me on to her, but we managed.  After one of the inevitable silences I said, “Well, I’ll go now”, and she said “No, don’t go yet”.  It’s really amazing how important and touching such a small fragment of conversation can be.  I’m going to see her today.

I went out for a shower at an elderly friend’s house on Monday, since we don’t have a walk-in one at home.  It. Was. Fantastic.  I washed my hair and everything.

There’s a difficult balancing act to negotiate between being active vs overdoing it.  Mostly this is to do with communicating with or seeing friends (or not), doing things vs resting, and staying away from the screen vs reading etc. I need to keep reminding myself that it was a major operation and that the recovery takes time. It’s not about bravery so much as accepting vulnerability and weakness, which seems rather the opposite of bravery.  This world drives us all so hard, it’s a good lesson.




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