Coming round

Pic is of my drugs!


After the op I was wheeled into a small post-op ward and there was lots going on, most of which I can’t remember.  Recall that I had an oxygen mask on throughout the op and for some time after?

Still blissed out from the sedative mix, I couldn’t feel or move below the waist, for a few more hours.  As the feeling slowly returned I felt something in my legs, tingling, pressure? My calves felt as if they were inflating and deflating- strange.  Eventually I looked down and sure enough the blankets were shifting up and down.  What weird effect of spinal anaesthesia was this?  So I called someone and they lifted the blanket to show me that the inflation/deflation was not my legs but some pressure cuffs which stayed with me for the next couple of days (preventing DVTs).  We laughed!  I got used the feeling and quite liked it, especially when I was half awake and it made me think one of our cats was snuggling up to me.  Comforting.

I was straight on to some heavy-duty opiates to help with the post-op pain.  They made me feel sick so they gave me little magic minty papery squares to melt on my tongue.  Started to realise that, as well as the operation, I’ll be on lots of drugs for a while.  Constipation here I come.

Can’t remember much about the day of the op.  My blood pressure was really low, heart rate was high, and I didn’t wee until the early hours of the next day.  It was, quite literally, a shock to my system. Several cups of tea really helped- good tea as well, greatly appreciated.

The staff were all really good again but I did start to feel that the service is a bit pared down the bone (pun intended).  Although the time the doctors spent with me was quality time, it was not enough really- to make a human connection and open up space for questions and conversation.  Now I won’t see a surgeon for three months, and so far I have seen three different people- one for the initial consultation in July, the Prof on the morning of the op, and another one after the op (who did the surgery, under supervision from the Prof, for which I gave my permission).  All the surgeons are extremely experienced and skilled, so that’s fine, but the human connection was a bit lacking.

There was a lot of pressure on beds so I didn’t get moved onto the rehab ward for a couple of days, with a detour one night into a rather unsuitable pre-op room where I was isolated from the ward staff.  That night and morning I had to use my mobile phone to call the ward telephone when I needed assistance, and I didn’t get any breakfast.  One member of staff was clearly put out that I was in one of ‘her’ beds and was insensitive to say the least, I had to remind them what to do and felt really cut off.  There were lots of apologies but still.

The dreaded physio visits- to get you out of bed and supervise you through essential things so that you can go home (asap)- went well.  And the occupational therapist came by to do her bit.  Again they were all very skilled and nice but there wasn’t much time for human connection.  Everyone kept saying (apologetically) that they were really busy.  Perhaps that’s the downside of them being a ‘centre of excellence’ and having to meet various targets. I think I’d have preferred to wait a few weeks if it meant a more relaxed, personal service.  Hey ho, it’s probably not that simple.

I did well on the physio tasks, and finally got onto the rehab ward where everyone was much more attentive and nice.  Then came the most unpleasant part of all.  Which I won’t describe in any detail but was to do with my bowels and something getting STUCK!  It was sorted eventually but, oh dear, very painful.  Not the best time for a visitor, my dear friend Kath who is a nurse and works at the hospital.  Luckily she completely understood and we managed to laugh about it.

I was very keen to get home (in retrospect I could probably have done with another day in hospital) so Pete came to get me on Saturday night.  Again, it’s all a bit of a blur. Of which more in tomorrow’s blog post.

My bedroom is full of flowers and cards.  Very grateful for love and friendship when I feel so vulnerable.


Hipblog 2

Home sweet homeP1010847.JPG

I’ve been home for two nights now and still in that post-operative hazy state, not sure which way is up and trying to adjust to a whole new situation and a significant process of change.

For a week or so before I went in to hospital I was unusually weepy and emotional.  I had some dreams about the hospital, the first two were a take on ‘The Secret Garden’- wandering around Chapel Allerton Hospital and its grounds and finding beautiful laid-out gardens populated by kind and funny people- the usual dreamy quirks and weirdnesses.  The last one was a nightmare, with bodies marked up for various forms of unpleasantness (this is the gentlest description possible, no need for detail!)  I felt tired too, closing down pre-op, preparing for post-op, life (new bed, chair, aids, a freezer full of nice food).

The operation is a watershed.  The pain and impairment of the arthritic hip eclipsed by the acute effects of a major operation, a big ‘insult’ to my body.  My hip was dislocated and the top of my femur removed, replaced by a metal sphere attached to a pin hammered into my thigh bone.  The socket part of the joint was ground down and re-lined with a ceramic replacement.  Lots of muscle and other tissues were cut away then everything sewn back together.  Blood is lost, lots of drugs administered- for sedation, anaesthesia, pain relief, prevention of blood clots, and drugs to treat the side effects of other drugs- and I was attached to various drips and monitors.  This is all quite amazing and marvellous, and it has quite an impact!  The operation site all needs to heal and the joint start to work again.  I just watched a video of the procedure.  It feels useful to describe it back to myself, to own it as something that happened to me, to my bones and muscles and skin.  So much autonomy is lost in hospital, the vulnerability is very raw and real.  There’s a lot to process and to heal.

So how did it go, looking back nearly 4 days on?  My main concern that morning was a horrible caffeine withdrawal headache and several hours (7am-midday) longing for a cup of tea.  During that time I met the doctors, who were absolutely lovely, a big bloke, the surgeon, from India, and a petite woman, the anaesthetist, Arabic name, Dublin accent.  They talked it all through with me and I was marked up on the correct thigh, with an up arrow in case they thought it was my knee that needed doing.  I got into bed and drifted back and forth listening to music and the radio via my phone- hard to remember it now.  Then when they finally came for me, a wave of apprehension and backed-up fear.

Being wheeled into the ante-room for anaesthesia is when control is surrendered.  It seems to be the job of the anaesthetist and the technician job to make you feel comfortable, both physically and emotionally, which they did beautifully.  We talked about the vulnerability thing and the technician (another lovely big bloke) told a story about how he had been shaking like a leaf before an op at the hospital where he was working, carried out by people he knew and trusted.  So.. cannula in for an excellent cocktail of happy drugs, then the spinal block in my back.  It was chilly (because the bugs don’t like the cold apparently) so they wrapped my top half (the only half which could feel anything) up warm and I got the phone set up to listen to music.  A first listen to the Young ‘Uns new album purchased specially and saved up for the occasion and some of Emily Portman’s beautiful ‘Coracle’ album.  Inspiring and moving, a great distraction from the hammering and grinding going on down below.  Then it was done and I was off to the post-op ward.

Next instalment tomorrow- this takes up quite lot of energy!

Hipblog 1

I go to hospital tomorrow morning.  Op is about 11am and lasts around one to one and a half hours.  I’m having it done with a spinal block rather than general anaesthetic because I don’t want to have to deal with any more ‘poorliness’ than is absolutely necessary.

So I’ll have a new hip in place by tomorrow lunchtime.  Apparently they make you  stand up and get walking straight away so that’ll be interesting.  People say the pain from the arthritic hip goes immediately, replaced by the post-operative pain, which gets better!!  That’ll do me.

The op is happening at Chapel Allerton Hospital, which is a centre of excellence and a great place.  The pic below shows the bespoke kit they gave me at ‘Hip School’.


So, I’ve got things in place for the 6-week healing period, when there is a risk of dislocation, which are covered by the Hip Precautions- no bending hip and thigh more than 90 degrees and no twisting of the new joint- so special chairs and toilet seat, loose clothes that are easy to get on and off etc, etc…

I’m hoping to be home by the weekend and determined to use this as an opportunity to look after myself and get well.  The past few months have been hard- only being able to walk shorter and shorter distances, low energy because of pain and a general discouragement from being active.  A bit depressing, especially since the past year has been very busy and emotionally challenging (family life mostly- its highs and lows).

I want also to spend less time on screen.  I think my insomnia, physical inactivity, and the unsettling state of the world this last year or so has meant that I’ve got a bit addicted to what my friend Carla calls the ‘sacred oblong’, the bloody phone that’s always there! This is definitely not a good thing.  It’s as if it’s become my personal shock trooper for peddling the Spectacle, that display of meaningless, commodified chatter that serves to distract us from our own thoughts, from being agents of our own destiny, and being part of real, unmediated community.  Damn those algorithms!

So I will be rationing time spent looking at it.  One session a day to check important things, then I might even turn it off.  I want to open up my attention span for reading, listening, jigsaw-puzzle solving, meditating, just being.  Resting.

I’m feeling very emotional this past week, often tearful.  Maybe, because I am facing being vulnerable for a while, I am having to open my heart.  I am grateful for this.

I don’t think I’ll want visitors in hospital.  Pete will be the best person to deal with me being grumpy and demanding!  After that I’ll let people know if there’s anything I want from my dear friends.  Lots of offers already.  For which I am grateful and which make me want to cry again!!

One year on

This image is from my installation at the MA end of year show in Oct/Nov 2016, based on my Matri-line walk.  This Mini-guide describes the work I presented.


So I am now one year on from then.  Here’s a summary of the art I have made, exhibited, and sold since then:

  • Actually, some things happened just before the show, which do belong on this list- namely- Retracing the blood line map and matri-line stones, at Loitering with Intent at the People’s History Museum in Manchester, Jun-Oct 2016.  Pechakucha presentation at Walking Women Artists day event in Edinburgh, Aug 2016.
  • Membership of Leeds Print Workshop- sessions doing linoprint and cyanotype.
  • More photography with new digital camera-Pic of the Day project.
  • Participation in Landscape and Arts Network, Fourth Congress of Psychogeography and Creative Timebank, bookbinding workshops and book fairs.
  • Keeping in touch with MA colleagues and friends
  • Work included in show by Vis Comms students in support of Leeds Women’s Aid, April 2017
  • Personal projects- gifts for close friends
  • Two exhibitions of my ‘matriline’ work with a presentation to invited audiences, at Cafe Lento in Headingley, and friend’s house in Roundhay.
  • Hand-made book included in LCA exhibition by Curation Cluster, Jul-Sep 2017
  • Work selected for ‘Journey’ a show at Left Bank in Leeds, Jul 2017
  • Stalls selling my work on consecutive Saturdays in Aug/Sep.  Very rewarding and interesting.

Lots of life as well!

  • Supporting my daughter and her husband with monthly visits to Newcastle to look after their toddler daughter, then spending a couple of weeks around the birth of their baby son in September.  They got married in November 2016, which was also busy.
  • My Mum had to move into a nursing home that year- I visit her about 3 times/week.
  • Organise a monthly conversation event Cafe Feministique.
  • Have an arthritic hip which has been a worsening impairment- due to have hip replacement op in October, of which more in subsequent blogposts.
  • Friends, family, weddings, general elections, holidays, adventures….

Coming soon:

  • Work selected for Rebel Daughter, a women artists show commemorating the centenary of the first wave of women’s suffrage in 1918, at The Point in Doncaster, Jan-Apr 2018
  • Working towards a show of the Matri-line work in Killingworth Library in May 2018
  • Pitching my work to local venues for informal display/selling

these boots

Here is a flyer for an exhibition of artwork from my ‘Matri-line’ walk.  I will be doing a talk and hosting a conversation about it on May 18th at Cafe Lento.

these boots…

these boots 001 (2)

Café Lento, May 18th – Jun 7th

Opening event, artist’s talk and hosted conversation 7pm, May 18th

 these boots… is a show of work which visually records a solo walk by local artist, Lesley Wood.  In May last year Lesley spent two weeks journeying from Leeds to Newcastle.  This project was devised as an exercise in feminist psychogeography, retracing the journey her family took from Newcastle to Leeds when she was 12.  Her daughter, who grew up in Leeds, now lives in Newcastle with her family, including a baby granddaughter, a couple of miles away from the original family home.  Lesley’s mother still lives in Leeds.

So this journey explored the resonant, wild and beautiful spaces in between four generations of women, gathering and recording along the way and generating the artwork presented in the show.

Themes of home, belonging and people’s connection to place were also important on this journey, especially at a time when our responsibility for respecting and caring for our beautiful home planet is being so sorely tested.

The event is part of the Headingley Festival of Ideas, this year on the theme Journey

Space for the opening evening is limited so please book your place here these boots tickets

See you there.